not every day can be sunshine, rainbows and unicorns

I love parenting, but today kicked my boot-tay. Harper is teething, has a terrible cold and is clingy clingy cling-mister.   Jon left at 4:30 this morning and has yet to get home.  I don't mean to complain, I really wouldn't change a thing.....but after taking 45 minutes of SCREAMING baby, mommy needs a drink.   A big. tall. drink.

I am SO grateful that Olivia was an angel during the Harper screamfest.  She played in her room waiting for her turn to have a story.  Then even dealt with me having to give in and just kind of bounce fussy H during our story time.  We figured it out, all is fine.  I'm looking forward to some time on the couch.

maybe tomorrow I'll get that shower??

xoxo

NAUGHTY

NICE

mommy still love you Harper.  just stay asleep!!

the start of something big

I know that lately it has been so easy to focus on Harper's firsts and brush over Olivia's day to day happenings.  Harper's are more obvious, she is letting go of my hand and about to take her first steps.  She is starting to use sign language to communicate, she is climbing the stairs and trying new foods.  To see Olivia's firsts I have to look a little more closely, and more importantly really listen to her.  Yes, she is having physical developmental firsts, she has mastered the monkey bars, is learning to read!, but her sense of the world around her is changing and its so amazing to be a witness.

Tonight I lay down with her in bed after story time, and she talked with me about how much she loved me.  She said that her spirit must be mixed with mine.  I couldn't breath when she said that, I turned to her and said she was exactly right.  That God made her and God made me and that a part of our spirits were connected, that's why I am her Mommy.  This is the beginning of her understanding of spirit, of God, of life, of heaven.  She is piecing it all together, and I just wait for the little bits of her newly formed sense of this world to unfold before me.

 Just last month Olivia had her first experience with death.  A very close, dear friend of ours lost her father.  It was the first time we had talked about our spirit and how our body may die but our spirit goes on to heaven.  Olivia has since referred to death as "the day your spirit goes to God".  She said to me a few days ago that she would be sad on her "God day" because she would leave me.  I explained to her that was very VERY far away, but that on her "God day" she would be happy and that God will fill her up with so much love that there won't be any room left to feel sad. Trying to teach a 4 year old about death is a huge responsibility.  I feel confident in my ability to simplify things for her, and to remember how abstract these concepts are and how literal the four year old mind is.  I was grateful that she didn't ask me the really hard questions.  (like, what happens to your body after your spirit goes to heaven)  I am thankful to not have to dance around topics that I think she will be frightened about. It's best for now to focus on living, but to know that every life ; plant, animal and human, is finite.  She is a brilliant four year old, and I wish I could document every conversation.  It is amazing the concepts she puts together on her own.  I can't document every word spoken, but I just wanted to remember for myself that this is when her faith understanding is beginning.  Sweet Olivia I love you so much, and yes, I am more sure than anything that our spirits are mixed together.

xoxo
Mom

Happy Birthday Harper

One year ago from today I was hugely pregnant and feeling like the end was never in sight.  I remember thinking I would never make it another 10 days until my due date on Oct 3rd.  Being pregnant all summer had been rough while keeping up with a rambunctious 3 yr old.  I had waddled to the park with Olivia and remember being there talking with my friends that I wasn't sure if I would make it home, and that I might just go into labor right there at the park.  Well, I made it home...but that night I did start having my contractions and the following (early) morning was off to the hospital.  Labor was not long and on Sept 24 the world welcomed sweet Harper Elizabeth into our family.

This year has been amazing.  It feels like it has raced by, but on the other hand I can barely remember how it feels to not have this beautiful baby in my life.  She is such a blessing.  I have enjoyed mommyhood the second time around in a whole new light than I did the first time. I am constantly trying to slow everything down. I want these moments to stretch out in time, to make the memories last a little bit longer.   It was very bittersweet for me to rock her to sleep tonight and put her in her crib, and know that tomorrow she'll be ONE.  We had a family party and celebrated yesterday.  I had lots of fun planning her little party and all of the details to make it as sweet as possible.  Tomorrow we don't have any big plans, but I will be snuggling her up as much as possible, and whispering happy birthday wishes in her ear all day long.  She is the perfect finish to our family, and we just can't wait to see what she has in store for us.

 We love you Harper!!  You are Mommy and Daddy's sweet baby girl, you are funny, and smart and beautiful.  We can already see that you will be a best friend to your big sister, you are always ready to join in the action.  You are our snuggle bug, Harper Boo, Harpsicle  and my sunshine.  Happy Happy Birthday sweet girl!!

  Thank you for choosing me to be your Mommy and making me the luckiest girl in the world.  I promise to always do the best I can for you, I will always be there for you.  xoxoxxox
Love forever, Mommy

Birthday season

Its Birthday season around my family and today it was my turn. It was a simple day from start to finish and it has been perfect.  Olivia army crawled into my room and jumped up and shouted "surprise Happy Birthday!" and we stumbled through the day from there on.  I shopped with Harper while Olivia was at school, had a picnic lunch with the girls and some friends, and then went out to dinner with Jon. Now I have feet up, computer on my lap and wine in hand.  perfection. 

Weekly Koepke updates :

Olivia seems to have stopped napping!  Its been 6 days in a row of not taking a nap.  We have some downtime in the afternoon, but no actual sleep.  She is doing pretty well, but tonight at dinner she completely crashed.  I am thankful for the 4 1/2 years of napping that she blessed me with, but I really was hoping for a few more months.  maybe this is just a phase, and we'll go back to the normal nap routine next week?? yes? yes?

Harper's latest form of entertainment is to "wrestle" and then try to steam roll you.  Its sweet and hilarious.  I will try and post a video.  She will roll about ten times in a row across the room into you. If you lay on the floor she will crawl at a high speed towards you and then throw herself onto your stomach.  She just wants to play the way she sees Jon and Olivia wrestle around.  

Harper used her first signs this week.  I have been signing to her a few basic signs (more, all done, drink) and a few days ago she signed "more", and today she signed "all done".   She was just sitting in her highchair having her snack , and I was walking around, and when I looked at her she was sitting there making jazz hands at me.  oh, yes...all done!  It's so amazing to experience all of these moments. Yes baby girl, we just had a conversation.  You are all done with your snack, you told me and I understood, no one cried or shouted or threw food on the floor, you made jazz hands and I knew what you meant.  God, I am so grateful for these moment and that I am present to experience them first hand.  

Olivia's sweetest thing lately is her constant writing of love letters.  She will sit and compose a note and then write it out to the best of her ability using her own inventive spelling.  She cuts out these notes, folds them up very very small and puts them into an envelope.  She tapes it closed and brings them to me, daily, every few hours, they are covered with hearts and I love yous . It is the best, I keep them and will put them in a shoe box.  Whenever I am blue, I have a box filled to the brim of love notes from the sweetest 4 year old on the planet.  This is the best medicine to cure any sadness.  I know that I am so sappy, and overly sentimental, but time marches on and waits for no one, but I am definitely here and enjoying it all.  I promise not to turn into a hoarder, but for now I have to keep these little love letters proclaiming that Olivia and I are BSTFRDSFREVR  

Well, I am off to bed.  Tomorrow I am going to spend the day baking and decorating a fancy cake for Harper's first Birthday.  Her Birthday is in four days!! Her family party is Saturday, I am in denial of my baby turning one.  But yes, sweet Harper, in this birthday season your next!!  Tag, you're it.  xoxo

****i started writing this post a month ago, and it seems outdated and incomplete, but I must post it or I never will****

July has been a very big month in this family!!  We gained another member, when my baby sister had a baby on July 8th.   Jon and I were out for breakfast in Chicago (after our big night out celebrating our 10 year wedding anniversary!- more on that later) when I heard the official news that my niece Dehlia Jean had made her arrival into the world.  I was caught off guard at how much it pulled at my heart strings to see the beautiful picture of this new sweet baby show up on my phone, and know that my little sister had just had her whole world changed forever.  I wished I could have been there immediately, but we were lucky enough to make it there within a week.  Mandy and Nigel were so gracious and allowed the Koepke clan to invade their home the following weekend after sweet Dehlia's birth. I was able to hold her and once again fall immediately in love a tiny little lady.  I was in awe at what an awesome job my sister and Nigel were doing, as I always knew that they would because they are a wonderful Auntie and Uncle already.

This past month Harper started crawling!! She is mobile, and that little girl is fast!! She is also so smart, and is very quick to check everything out. Of course, I do not have the house completely baby proofed yet, and it only takes her two seconds to find the item she is not supposed to have and immediately race towards it.  So, slowly but surely out have come the outlet covers, corner protectors, baby gates, etc...  Olivia is an amazing big sister and has done an excellent job at keeping all of her teeny tiny toys out of her reach and picked up off of the floor.  She calls them her "choking heavens"

Speaking of Olivia....she continues to amaze me every day.  She is so busy that I fear she is just turning into a big girl in a blur.  I need to get better at writing down all of the funny, clever things she says on a daily basis.  This summer she has played T-ball (receiving her first trophy!!), continued with swim lessons and took a few classes at the Park District.  One of her favorites was called "our own Olympics" and they did a bunch of activities centered around the summer Olympics.  She brought home her own glitter covered torch and gold medal.

there are too many memories that I want to have written down to try and elaborate on each of them and even too many to have then in chronological order, but here are the ones that come to mind from the last month or so of summer.

• tonight after Olivia's bath Jon asked her to pick out her story for bed (after she was supposed to get dressed), he was then helping me give Harper some medicine.  When he went back to check on Olivia she as not in pj's looking for a book, but downstairs naked eating icing out a tupperware container I had left on the counter. Then when Jon yelled at her (and I had to hide my laughter) she started to cry.....then I asked "why are you naked downstairs?" and she sensed I was giggling she shouted at me "DON'T LAUGH AT MY NAKEDNESS!"  ahhh!! too funny!! I did apologize for laughing, but told her that I thought she was being pretty silly. 
• Olivia measured herself every time we went to the pool to see if she was tall enough to go on the big slide.  Finally, I told her she had reached the mark (she had been about there all summer, right around 42 inches)  She was SO excited and goes down that slide at least a dozen times each time we go to the pool. 
• Olivia has become a very good artist and spends a lot of time every day coloring and drawing . 
• Harper, I guess like all babies, is very inconsistent and likes to keep me on my toes!  One week she is refusing to nap and I'm losing my mind, and the next week she will be sleeping until 9:45 am and taking 3 hour afternoon naps....of course the latter should have me chill and relaxed but instead I'm in her room checking her breathing to make sure she hasn't lapsed into a coma. (why else would she still be asleep?) 
• The girls have both given me my share of heart attacks this past week, Olivia fell off of the bed while sleeping with me at Aunt Mimi's and Harper took a tumble down a few steps onto the wood floor.  I hate to even write that down...it makes me feel like a horrible mother, but of course I didn't even think she COULD go up a stair (let alone 4) and in the time it took me to take dinner out of the refrigerator, THUMP THUMP THUMP, THUD, SCREAM and then both of us were crying.  Poor baby!!!  I checked her over 10 times and checked her eyes, and kept a close watch on her.  Within 30 seconds she was laughing and playing with Olivia.  Unfortunately  now both of my girls can answer yes if ever asked "WERE YOU DROPPED ON YOUR HEAD AS A CHILD?"  sigh.  bad bad mommy.  
• Olivia is quotable every single day....just as I am writing this she came up to me and said, "Mom, I love my new slippers so much I am going to keep them until they grow smaller!"  
• I wish I could pinpoint when it happened, but Harper is not a baby anymore, she is this tiny little person that understands what is going on around her and she listens and responds to us. She knows when she is up to something she shouldn't and will peek at you and even HIDE what she's not supposed to have! She had a tissue the other day, and I was going to take it away from her and she stuck it under her leg and looked at me like, "what? I wasn't going to eat it, I swear"

OK, that's all I have time for now, but I swear I will post tons of pictures soon soon soon!!  

Summer kick off

Whew, I knew that May was going to be busy!! It flew by in the blink of an eye.  It started with Jon's graduation from NIU with his second masters degree, this time he earned his MBA.  We are all so proud of him.  I am constantly amazed at what a hard working man he is, and yet always still seems to find time to fit in family time too.  The girls and I are definitely glad to have him back in our lives though.  Then we had a family wedding and my sisters were in town for a week afterwards because the following weekend we celebrated Mandy and Nigel's baby on the way!!  The shower was so much fun to plan and host.  Sweet baby Dehlia is due July8th, and we can't wait to meet her!!  We had a lot of fun family moments that week that everyone was in town together.

After the shower things did not slow down around here.  We had a garage sale (more work than I realized it would be) but made some cash and cleared out some clutter from the basement!  Then the Koepkes hit the road for a much needed vacation in Destin Fl.  We rented a mini-van and drove down with my parents, and met Team Peloquin down there for some more cousin bonding.  The kids all had a blast getting to see each other everyday!!  Vacationing with children is not necessarily relaxing, but it is tons of fun!  They are constantly reminding you to have fun and keep moving.


Oh, and the baby update...

Harper will be 9 months next week!! She is waving now, eating more and more finger foods.  Her latest snack is to eat black beans. She wants to be on the move so badly, but still hasn't figured it out.  She can sit up and play with her toys and swivel 360*, and she can lean forward onto her hands and knees and kind of rock a little bit, but so far she has only gotten onto her stomach and scooted herself backwards....no forward motion yet.  She still hasn't gotten up to sitting from laying down either.  She is a brilliant and smart baby, she notices everything, and loves to mimic the sounds you make.  She says  Da Da Da, all day long.  I don't think she realizes who she is talking about , but she is putting it all together.  She's a smart cookie.

We have a jam packed summer ahead of us too!!  I am so excited!  I love summer, it is my favorite season.  I love the sun, swimming, long days, dinner outside, impromptu backyard get togethers, bike-riding, summer camp, sun screen, and all of the details that come with two little kids and summer fun.  Olivia has swim lessons on Tuesday mornings, and T-ball Tues and Thursday evenings.  She is a Rivercat and tonight is her first practice!! She is also signed up for a summer camp in July that is 3 mornings a week, for 3 weeks.  Of course we have our pool pass, and have already gone a few times.  Olivia is so independent in the water and Harper just loves to sit by me and splash.  Its so fun, and I feel so blessed to be home with my girls and enjoy making all of these fun memories.  We are also very much awaiting the call that Aunt MiMi is in labor so that we can plan our next road trip to Macomb to meet little Miss Dehlia. xoxo

Here are a bunch of photos from the past few weeks!