**I wrote this a few weeks ago, and am just getting around to posting it now......
Oh another day behind me, and it feels so good to be laying on the couch with my feet up. Today was busy, up early to soothe my sick and fussy baby. poor sweet girl. Harper has a cold, and her little nose is running like a faucet and she had a low fever, but luckily after being nursed and rocked would go right back to sleep. The painters showed up early, then the usual scramble to get two little bodies up and ready to get out the door in time for school.... the mornings are so busy, full of the ups and downs that seem to happen every single day. My morning snuggle from little Olivia, my shuffle to the coffee pot, the begging and pleading to get Olivia to get herself dressed, and the nagging to get her to eat her breakfast. Oh how i love her SO much, and then oh how I can get so frustrated so quickly!! I am working on patience, and it has been going well, but the mornings are still a bit of a struggle. I want her to leave for school feeling excited about her day, knowing I love her and that she is going to learn something amazing and that she is on her way to discovering everything that the world has to offer her: and instead I always worry she is carrying around all of this stress because I told her one too many times to get her butt dressed and eat her fruit. Sigh.....nothing on Earth is more rewarding or more challenging than mommyhood, but oh how I adore it.
Harper is growing freakishly fast. I swear every time I get her out of her crib she is bigger. As I put her too small clothes into a box to pass on to other lovely little babies on the way, I have this pang in my heart. This physical pain that can only be the ache of saying goodbye. As we charge forward towards each new milestone, I have heartache for the stage we are leaving behind. I have always felt that Jon and I are going to be a family of four, and I still feel that way, but it is much harder than I thought to be done with each stage. I am SO sappy, are all mother's like this? Clinging to their babies, trying to freeze time? I did not feel this way with Olivia. I was so excited for each stage, upward and onward! With Harper, I expect to just have a baby on my hip for eternity. I want to hold her near and keep her small. It doesn't help that she is so stinkin cute, and exceptionally easy! Of course she cries and has fussy times, but once I take care of what she needs, she is fine. I digress......
I can't forget to mention Olivia. She is reading!! Seriously, i knew she had some sight words that she could read.... her name, zoo, STOP, Yes , NO, Play, Start, .....more than I can think of at the moment, but today I witnessed her sound out the word stormtrooper. (she has a thing with Star Wars right now). Hair stood up on the back of my neck, she has known her letters since 20 months (no joke) so it only makes sense that she is sounding out words independently, but it is the most amazing thing to watch your own child become literate. She knows it too, she is SO SO excited to be starting to read. I couldn't be more proud of her.
The thing that has been on my mind lately, is just that I accept that this is what I was put on Earth to do. I struggled with deciding what path to take in school, and ended up finding a career completely unrelated to my degree. I daydreamed through college of marrying my love, and then dreamed while working of starting my family. I am here. I have the best husband besides me , two beautiful children and the opportunity to stay home and help raise these two little beings into kind and compassionate people. It is an awesome responsibility that is both exhausting and rewarding, everyday I learn each day how to be better. I am so grateful, I wouldn't change a thing. It took adjusting to, there are days that I for sure miss working outside of the home, but I know with all my heart, that is this is what I am supposed to be doing. I have zero regrets, maybe someday I'll go back to work, but for now I heart mommyhood.
