the start of something big

I know that lately it has been so easy to focus on Harper's firsts and brush over Olivia's day to day happenings.  Harper's are more obvious, she is letting go of my hand and about to take her first steps.  She is starting to use sign language to communicate, she is climbing the stairs and trying new foods.  To see Olivia's firsts I have to look a little more closely, and more importantly really listen to her.  Yes, she is having physical developmental firsts, she has mastered the monkey bars, is learning to read!, but her sense of the world around her is changing and its so amazing to be a witness.

Tonight I lay down with her in bed after story time, and she talked with me about how much she loved me.  She said that her spirit must be mixed with mine.  I couldn't breath when she said that, I turned to her and said she was exactly right.  That God made her and God made me and that a part of our spirits were connected, that's why I am her Mommy.  This is the beginning of her understanding of spirit, of God, of life, of heaven.  She is piecing it all together, and I just wait for the little bits of her newly formed sense of this world to unfold before me.

 Just last month Olivia had her first experience with death.  A very close, dear friend of ours lost her father.  It was the first time we had talked about our spirit and how our body may die but our spirit goes on to heaven.  Olivia has since referred to death as "the day your spirit goes to God".  She said to me a few days ago that she would be sad on her "God day" because she would leave me.  I explained to her that was very VERY far away, but that on her "God day" she would be happy and that God will fill her up with so much love that there won't be any room left to feel sad. Trying to teach a 4 year old about death is a huge responsibility.  I feel confident in my ability to simplify things for her, and to remember how abstract these concepts are and how literal the four year old mind is.  I was grateful that she didn't ask me the really hard questions.  (like, what happens to your body after your spirit goes to heaven)  I am thankful to not have to dance around topics that I think she will be frightened about. It's best for now to focus on living, but to know that every life ; plant, animal and human, is finite.  She is a brilliant four year old, and I wish I could document every conversation.  It is amazing the concepts she puts together on her own.  I can't document every word spoken, but I just wanted to remember for myself that this is when her faith understanding is beginning.  Sweet Olivia I love you so much, and yes, I am more sure than anything that our spirits are mixed together.

xoxo
Mom