I am realizing with this feeling of completeness comes an overwhelming sense of sentimentality that I don't think is going to go away any time soon. Today I boxed up some newborn sleepers and undershirts that are already too small for Harper. What?! Already??? !!!! That means she is growing and I don't want to say goodbye to the newborn clothes just yet. I refuse to tape the box closed, I am in denial of time passing by. I LOVE how sweet the newborn phase is. I am soaking it in as much as I can. I love how her eyes are so wide and learning to take in this huge world around her. I love how slow her eyes track the objects around her. I just took a VIDEO of her SLEEPING, yes sleeping! I love the faces she makes in her sleep, and how she sleeps with her mouth open like her daddy (is that bad?) I am so smitten with her little newborn erratic arm movements and little piggy grunts. I even don't mind so much when she wails and wails because she has too much air in her tummy and I rushed through trying to burp her. I love a swaddled baby and how miss Harper still has hair. I was excited and sad when her belly button made its debut at around two weeks. I love giving her little body a bath, and snuggling her up as much as possible.
I am figuring out how challenging it can be to be a Mother of two. I feel pulled and a bit guilty that no one is getting all of my attention that much anymore. Olivia is a wonderful big sister and loves on Harper all the time. She definitely is adjusting though to the new little person in our house. I think it took until this week to start showing some jealousy though. She is getting more easily frustrated and we have had some additional accidents and temper tantrums. I am proud of her though for trying so hard for us to be a good girl. I am trying not to feel guilty, I know that giving her a sibling is a huge gift. Someday she will thank me for this, even if now there is just lots of waiting for Mommy to finish doing something for Harper. She will adjust, she will adjust, she will adjust..... right? I just keep telling Olivia how important she is, and what a helper she is and what a great sister she is. I think she just feels like I always have a baby in my arms and that she has to entertain herself a lot more often. On that note, I am so grateful for any and all of the wonderful company we have been having. Its so great to have help and have more people here to play with Olivia.
As for Jon and I, we are figuring it out. We are tired and busy, but wouldn't trade this for anything. As much as I am hanging onto this newborn phase, I am also very much looking forward to a little bit more of a predictable schedule that only comes with Harper's age. I would enjoy knowing for sure that I will get to shower everyday, and that I might get to sleep for longer than 3 hours at a time. I am looking forward to having a clean house again someday and most of all I am looking forward to seeing my girls actually play together.
xoxo
Beth
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